Stacy's Blob

SimplyStacy

As the name goes... my new Vox will be simple, neat and more sassy than ever! Now is the time for change and I'm moving on to better things. I'm stronger for what I've been through and this page doesn't show that and probably won't. Please add me there when you get the chance.

Gross typical stomachs

Goal stomach

For many months I have been trying to get into shape by looking for other girls out there who are already in shape.. I saw alot of bodies that I wasnt pleased with. Don't get me wrong, I think it's great that other girls out there are not as out of shape as I am but I am going for a very specific look. So far only one girl I have seen has this! Is it that hard? I don't want a buff pro wrestler stomach (like on the very left).. I want one that's toned and feminine. What do I do? Please help!!! I have put together two pictures to compare.. they are both very different. The stomach I want is on the right column... ALL from one person! I want to know how you get like that.

I have written before about how I feel bad about the people with borderline personality disorder who read this blog, because I do a fair amount of slamming of BPD. I have, however, also made it clear that anyone who says “I have borderline personality disorder” probably doesn’t have it. The real deal prevents recognition of the problem. I have good reason to despise this disorder, and I despise those who have it and refuse to be treated. It’s the psychological equivalent of drunk-driving on a playground. I won’t apologize for that opinion.

I have a finely honed sense of “borderline-ness” that I suspect many of “us kids” have. I can spot a borderline at 50 paces and have learned to trust my judgment (I have ignored it until recently and have been burned every time). I’m talking REAL, untreated, in-denial borderlines, not the legions walking around with that diagnosis who actually have PTSD or something else. They are ALL liars. You cannot have BPD and not lie, by definition, because you are not in touch with reality.

I just read a blog about a person with borderline personality disorder and she has been very inspiring to me. Alot of you asked me why I have been depressed and its easy. If you know anything about borderline, it's that we're really impulsive. I did alot of hurtful things. I've been crying so much that it's made me sick. When I was diagnosed with BPD, I was forced to look at a side of me that I tried so hard to avoid. It was nice to have a name to it but then to honestly look at yourself from outside in, it’s unnerving and scary. When I finally “pulled my head out of my ass” and looked at what I was doing and how it effected those I loved.. I wanted to die. But it was activating that vicious cycle. It’s a horrifying experience.

I took a short quiz to give you guys a quick definition of what it means to be borderline.

Openness

You are intellectually curious and appreciative of what you consider beautiful, no matter what others think. Your imagination is vivid and makes you creative.

Conscientiousness

You are impulsive and whimsical, and that`s OK. Sometimes decisions need to be made quickly, and you make them quicker than most! You're zany, colourful, and just generally great fun to be with... as long as someone isn`t relying on you to get some work done.

Extraversion

You prefer low-key social occasions, with a few close friends. It's not that you are afraid of large parties; they're just not that fun.

Agreeableness

People can find it difficult to get along with you as you are suspicious of their motives when you first meet. Over time though people warm to you, and you to them. That doesn't stop you telling them "how it is" though.

Neuroticism

You tend to be self-conscious. You react emotionally to situations more than most, and can find it hard to control your negative feelings.

They're all very true.. and it's hilarious how it fits me perfectly, or maybe I just fit the BPD mold so well.

Traits involving emotions:

Quite frequently people with BPD have a very hard time controlling their emotions. They may feel ruled by them. One researcher (Marsha Linehan) said, "People with BPD are like people with third degree burns over 90% of their bodies. Lacking emotional skin, they feel agony at the slightest touch or movement."

1. Shifts in mood lasting only a few hours.

2. Anger that is inappropriate, intense or uncontrollable.

Traits involving behavior:

3. Self-destructive acts, such as self-mutilation or suicidal threats and gestures that happen more than once

4. Two potentially self-damaging impulsive behaviors. These could include alcohol and other drug abuse, compulsive spending, gambling, eating disorders, shoplifting, reckless driving, compulsive sexual behavior.

Traits involving identity

5. Marked, persistent identity disturbance shown by uncertainty in at least two areas. These areas can include self-image, sexual orientation, career choice or other long-term goals, friendships, values. People with BPD may not feel like they know who they are, or what they think, or what their opinions are, or what religion they should be. Instead, they may try to be what they think other people want them to be. Someone with BPD said, "I have a hard time figuring out my personality. I tend to be whomever I'm with."

6. Chronic feelings of emptiness or boredom. Someone with BPD said, "I remember describing the feeling of having a deep hole in my stomach. An emptiness that I didn't know how to fill. My therapist told me that was from almost a "lack of a life". The more things you get into your life, the more relationships you get involved in, all of that fills that hole. As a borderline, I had no life. There were times when I couldn't stay in the same room with other people. It almost felt like what I think a panic attack would feel like."

Traits involving relationships

7. Unstable, chaotic intense relationships characterized by splitting (see below).

8. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment

• Splitting: the self and others are viewed as "all good" or "all bad." Someone with BPD said, "One day I would think my doctor was the best and I loved her, but if she challenged me in any way I hated her. There was no middle ground as in like. In my world, people were either the best or the worst. I couldn't understand the concept of middle ground."
• Alternating clinging and distancing behaviors (I Hate You, Don't Leave Me). Sometimes you want to be close to someone. But when you get close it feels TOO close and you feel like you have to get some space. This happens often.
• Great difficulty trusting people and themselves. Early trust may have been shattered by people who were close to you.
• Sensitivity to criticism or rejection.
• Feeling of "needing" someone else to survive
• Heavy need for affection and reassurance
• Some people with BPD may have an unusually high degree of interpersonal sensitivity, insight and empathy

9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms

This means feeling "out of it," or not being able to remember what you said or did. This mostly happens in times of severe stress.

Finish this sentence: "I am glad to say that I have never ___." 
Submitted by chl*.

Gone through with the decision to nearly kill myself. Stories later.

I don't know why I have a hard time finding guys I like and like me back. I looked through forums to see what other people liked because maybe theres something wrong with me.. but I fit all of their criteria 100%. I'm average height and I take care of myself. I'm the most caring person I know, I love animals and sometimes I get attached too quickly but thats something that can be changed. I'm beginning to think that all men just want whores and not real women. They make up these fantasies but in reality they want someone who can suck their dicks. I know too many couples who have nothing in common but they're married... it's stupid.

I'd like someone I can talk to. I've never known someone I could just talk to without feeling embarrassed or censored or stupid. I'd like to meet a girl as nice as I am. (you wouldn't be alble to tell by the way I act online, but people walk all over me) Someone ten times smarter than me. (since there isnt much to begin with) Someone that wouldn't leave me the second they learned one or more of the many flaws we, as humans, are all born with. She wouldnt have to be obsessed with me, she wouldnt have to worship me, but I would prefer a faithful girl who thinks of me about as much as I would her. I also would like her to be able to live without me but loves to have me around. I don't like moochers who use up every one of my resources.

The best part of this week has been receiving a letter for my outstanding academic achievement in the mail and they want me to apply to internships at Stanford! I think I'm gonna do it. I'm really exicted.

What experience or moment in your life have you learned the most from? 
Submitted by AngieK. 

Probably when my first serious boyfriend dumped me. It left me spiraling for months and I hardly knew who I was. But now I'm better than ever.. and I'm concentrating on getting my life back on track. Doing things that I love and writing about my adventures. 2008 will be a time for change. I'm sure of it. I'm giving up on dating but I wish he was still here. My life seriously did a 360 degree turn when he rejected me. It made me a stronger person.

Do professional athletes make too much money, or do they deserve every penny?  Why?

Most definitely not! Schools these days hardly get any funding. It makes me sick to my stomach to know that people are paying billions of dollars to bonk each other on the heads with their sweaty bodies. I pretty much despise sports and people who are obsessed with it. The money could be put to better use.. those $100 tickets can be donated to charity, for christ sakes! The worst thing about America is that we pay millions of dollars to athletes who have NO brains.. its just games and running and looking good. No good comes out of sports!!! No one in America cares about global warming, abortion because no one has any fucking clue how many babies get killed every day, animal cruelty.. our ideology is to lay back in our lawn chairs in our backyards and eat pigs... pigs = Americans.

The following two pictures are of me when I was 9 years old.. getting ready to perform a dance routine, and the other one is me at graduation with long ass blonde hair.

Aww!!!

Graduation

I've been at odds about this but I finally decided to let go of modeling. Don't get me wrong.. I love being in front of the camera and I met some awesome photographers, but I'm not impressed by any of the other models I meet. There was a competition in Las Vegas. Yep I lost. It turned out to be who has more of their sagging tits hanging out. That's what modeling is... it's a world of so many fucking morons who try way too hard to get photoshopped. I dont want to be in a pin up calendar with all of the emo boys to wank to.. besides, if I didn't lose I wouldn't have met some awesome people who are as bitter as I am. I'm not supermodel material... I'm just stacy.. and I can beat anyone at playing the guitar.. so there! For example, the model of the year is always dedicated to the person who can be the skinniest.

I recently moved in with my sister and life can't get better than this. Y'all better watch out because Nevada will be banging with a capital B!! Some jams in my iPod that have been playing this week:

1. Timbaland - Way I Are
2. Kanye West - Stronger
3. Cyndi Lauper - True Colors
4. Anything by Bjork!!
5. Soulja Boy - Crank That

These songs are way good and you should listen to them.